Why I Quit my Job and Sold Our House to “Dream Big"
Disclaimer: If you are a financial planner or an accountant, please stop reading. Kidding, not kidding.
The Trip
About six months ago, I saw it advertised for the first time. “Dream Big with Bob Goff at Magnolia” in Waco, Texas. It’s as if Christian pop culture had conjured all of their creative and marketing efforts to fashion the ultimate event and there it was. They had done it. Equal parts Bob Goff inspiration and Chip and Joanna Gaines allure. The formula was perfect, the bait was set, and there I was falling prey to the trap.
My natural personality has a healthy dose of skepticism, so I generally try to steer clear of anything that’s too “trendy.” But my authentic excitement won out over the skepticism in those moments and I was suddenly scheming, “how can I make this work?”
My enthusiasm came to an abrupt halt, however, when I saw the price. As an adjunct professor who had just quit her job as a therapist to pursue a “dream,” the several thousand-dollar price tag of the event served as a towering stop sign, overshadowing all of my initial excitement.
Several months passed and my desire to go to this “trendy” conference kept returning. Immediately followed by my disappointment. Where on earth could I find the money?
And that’s when he stepped in.
Jared, that is, my always logical, always supportive husband. Thankfully he has become a co-conspirator of my dreams. And I hope I can do the same for him. And by “dreams” I don’t mean “let’s buy a fancy yacht in the south of France” dreams, but the kind of dreams that bring more freedom and goodness into our own lives and into the lives of those around us.
One day, he said it.
For a few years we’d contemplated selling our house. Jared had masterfully transformed it from a retro sixties rambler to a quaint, lakeside cottage, adorned with all the quintessential lakeside cottage touches: shiplap, white window boxes, and all the subtle and not to so subtle nods to all things nautical.
Jared knew my desire to have a few magical days in Waco to brainstorm about what the next steps might be for my “dream” to transform women’s ideas around beauty and, so, that’s when he said it.
“Well, if we sell our house, you could use some of the profits to go to the conference.”
He had done it.
He had implanted the idea and I was so in. Sure, we talked about the numbers, the plan, the logic, and if it would actually work, but I was sold on the idea from the moment he posed it. We were selling our house and I was going to Waco.
So, what is the big “dream” then? What was so important that prompted us to sell our house and that prompted me to take a break from seeing therapy clients a few months earlier to free up time and space to work on the dream?
Our house, the before and after:
(Top row: after, bottom row: before)
The Dream
It was about four years ago when my eyes were opened in a new way. To the shape shifter: Shame. Entering the psyche and soul in so many nuanced and deceptive ways.
I started to notice how “beauty” was no longer beautiful at all in my own life. It had become a standard and a moving target. It was something to be achieved, not basked in or enjoyed. “Beauty” had become a trigger for shame; that deep unsettling sense that at your core, who you are isn’t enough, that you are innately flawed.
“Beauty” was no longer the True Beauty I once knew so well, but a once sacred space that shame had entered in and corrupted in a deep way.
If that weren’t startling enough, I noticed that I wasn’t alone. It wasn’t just me. “Beauty” was a shame trigger for so many others. My female clients of all ages, my friends, and so many other girls and women I’d encounter throughout the day.
“My (fill in the blank) is too big.”
“My (fill in the blank) is too small.”
“I wish I looked like (fill in the blank).”
It’s as if somehow achieving “beauty” equated with not only happiness, but also a deep sense of self acceptance and acceptance by others.
This all may sound basic and ho-hum, “beauty standards are unrealistic…blah, blah, blah, tell me something I don’t know.” At one point, those were my thoughts too.
What struck me four years ago, though, is the depth of this reality. If we are burdened by this deep sense of shame, this disquieting sense that “I am wrong,” what does that do to the soul and spirit of young girls and women of all ages?
Daily we are bombarded by images and messages from media, social media, and diet culture that subconsciously and consciously lull us into the belief that we must work and strive to be “enough,” to accept ourselves, to be accepted by others, and to ultimately be “beautiful.”
In our culture, shame demands “less wrinkles,” “fewer carbs,” “more steps….” as we fight for our own personal and social acceptance.
The thing is, if we can be convinced that we are in fact not innately beautiful and not “enough,” then we are like a leaking boat. Energies that could be put toward pursuits and moments and relationships that bring about life and goodness in our own life and in the world are redirected toward energy of the heart, mind and body to look “perfect,” and lose weight, and all the rest.
So, what’s the “dream” then? The dream is to re-define and expand women’s ideas around beauty.
Because the old order of “beauty” is killing us as women.
For some females, I mean that more literally, through an assortment of mental health and emotional struggles that may lead to their literal demise. And for so many others, the old order, the shame-based cultural narratives around beauty, are diminishing the psyche and soul of girls and women.
While I see the gravity of the soul-deep problem of American “beauty,” I am also just beginning to see the breadth, depth, and height of what True Beauty might actually be like, what it might feel like and what it might actually look like. That kind of beauty is awe-inspiring, it draws me in, and I want to explore it. I want to excavate my life and the lives of others for evidence of authentic Beauty or “the life of God at work in us and among us.”
And I want to invite others in on that journey. To see that, compared to cultural “beauty,” True Beauty is So. Much. Bigger.
I believe if our eyes and if our hearts could begin to notice and embrace True Beauty more and more, we would begin to see that Grace is our constant companion, it enfolds us and surrounds us.
And the ironic thing about True Beauty and Grace, is that in its midst, shame disappears. Shame is totally irrelevant when you know and feel that you are loved, you are created in Beauty, and you are unequivocally accepted.
So, that’s my dream, to redirect people’s minds and hearts to authentic beauty, tuning out cultural narratives and tuning into to Authentic Beauty.
It seemed like it was worth selling our house for.
*For more on how the dream unfolded in Waco, stay tuned for the upcoming Bob Goff interview in the “Mentor Series.” Subscribe below to ensure you don’t miss it!
Photo credit: Adrianne Bailie
Are you tired of being sold a broken brand of beauty?
The brand of beauty we are so often sold as women is way too small. It divides and dis-integrates us. I am on a mission to expand and re-discover beauty, authentic beauty. I believe beauty is the life of God at work in us and among us. Will you join me in exploring that kind of beauty?
Sign up and follow along on my journey. Let’s re-define beauty. Together.
