Meet Colette
Meet Colette
The day I interviewed Colette, I left her house feeling like I could probably conquer the world. You see, Colette Campbell not only radiates light, but she has this amazing ability to draw out the light in others too. It’s like she sees the truth about you, the beauty in you, and then helps you see it too. Highlighting talent and light in others comes so naturally to Colette, that she has made a career of it as Director of Talent Acquisition, Diversity and Inclusion at Bremer Bank. She is also a mom of three (ages 11, 14, and 16), wife to Jonathan, and owner of Kona the dog and Angel the bird.
That cold autumn day we met, it seemed fitting that the afternoon sun brilliantly poured into Colette’s living room. Her wise words, easy presence, and warm laughter embodied the same light she described. I left her presence that day feeling inspired; reminded that there is light in the world and that there is light in me. May you have the same experience as you read Colette’s words.
the interview
Melissa: How do you define beauty?
Colette: For me one of the things that [holds] true is that beauty is light. Like, where we might be looking at the same thing, but if it lights you up, then it's beautiful. If you see that in a certain way, then that reflects something that lights something up in you and that's how I define beauty. What brings light to your life; how do you bring light?
Melissa: I love that. So then, with that in mind, where do you see beauty in the world?
Colette: I feel like I see it even in what I get to do, when awareness happens, when connection happens. That's where I see beauty.
I was talking with someone today who actually lost their job a couple years ago and has just been really struggling to figure out how to show up in the world and how to show up just with the shame of losing employment and having a lot of identity wrapped up in that. It seems like she's in a dark place and as we talked about some things that she was doing, I could tell when there was a connection or where she was bringing value that felt it was lighting up her and lighting up the folks that she was around.
That's where I see it in awareness and I think that's what it does. It ignites something in us, whether it's a sense of belonging or connection or curiosity. That's how I see beauty showing up.
Melissa: Thank you. The next question is about brokenness. Can you tell me about an experience of brokenness you are currently undergoing or you have experienced in the past?
Colette: Probably like most people, I've experienced a lot of brokenness in a lot of different ways. And so, I think most recently, even in my own work, I was in a situation where...with a relationship that felt really not good. It felt really yucky and, so, for me that feels broken when there's a disconnection and it didn't feel light, it felt really dark.
And, on top of that, the ripple effect of how it was affecting me and how I was showing up, whether it was for my husband or my children or my friends or even in my work; the brokenness and the difficulty of what was happening in that relationship was really painful. It felt really, going back to the analogy, dark. It just felt dark.
And darkness in a way that I felt really hurt, because I felt like I was being persecuted without reason or cause and asking “what's going on?” And I was really stuck in that brokenness for a really long time.
Melissa: So, relational brokenness.
Colette: Yeah, and I also think it was so difficult for me was because I don't...I haven't experienced that that much. I think I've heard about it, I actually do a lot of work around conflict. And not because I don't have conflict. Obviously I've had lots of conflict in my life in various ways, but the severity of the brokenness of that relationship wasn't something I was really familiar with so I think that's why it felt so heavy and so hard.
Melissa: So I don't know if the next question would fit then, but I am wondering if you found any beauty in the midst of that situation?
Colette: Yeah. So, I did...I felt like for me there was a huge shifting point. In the brokenness, I felt like I kept concentrating on the sadness of it, the badness of it, the weight of it. And I also kept concentrating on the person and saying, “Ah man, how could this person and why are [they] doing this to me?” And for me, as a believer, I really struggled with it, and I also had been kind of praying about it. Laying it down and I didn't have any shift for a really, really, really long time.
So I felt defeated in many ways and I think there was one point in my brokenness and sadness and weariness of being sad, I was tired of being tired. Tired of the brokenness.
There was one point where I, all of a sudden, got a shift where instead of being so hurt and so mad at the person, I started to see the person and see that maybe she's not really doing something to you. Maybe something’s happening inside of her that's causing her [to act like] that. So that shift for me was starting to be, I wouldn't say sad, but almost empathetic to “what is the pain you're experiencing that's causing so much pain that you feel like you have to cause pain?”
So that shift for me was where I could kind of see light; when I started to move away from the sadness, the brokenness of the experience and of the behaviors and more towards being curious about what is the pain that she is experiencing? And also leaving it, because I couldn't do anything with it. We didn't have a relationship where I was being invited to engage or help.
That was a huge shift for me. And I also actually started to see patterns in my life, not as severe, but just other times where “when do you let go of the heaviness and the burdens so you can experience the light?” Just that there's a choice in that. I never saw that choice before. I never knew there was a choice. I just felt like I have to feel heard. And that was really powerful for me.
Melissa: It's almost like where you put your focus?
Colette: Yeah. And also what's yours to solve and what's not yours to solve, right? Part of it was I am kind of a control freak. What makes me think that I can control this? Or control her or that experience? And also who am I? I'm a piece of this but there is somebody bigger than me who is also a part of this and has control. And that was powerful, I mean humbling too. But that was good because that was kind of sobering because I think something kind of shifted.
But that's what's on my heart right now. We spend so much time [at work] and I don't think we realize the power that it can hold over us, within us and the power of influence we have there…There's this stuff that we, the time that we invest in our work and our working relationships, and if they're not working, it affects our families, ourselves, our families and those, you know, just the other things that we do.
Melissa: I think that’s so true. Thank you. The next question then is about lies. About what lies you've experienced about beauty.
Colette: So that question makes me think about a couple of things. One is the idea of beauty and… I have a teenage daughter. And that, Lord, that's its own challenge. I'm like, “what are you wearing?” Or I pick things out for her and she's like “really?” So it makes me question my own sense of “I thought that was really nice. What do you mean, that's not beautiful?”
I think that there is a definition of beauty that one size fits all. I think that's just a lie in of itself and that's taken me years and years and years and years and years…I think being a black woman growing up in predominantly dominant culture. Just that accepting of who I am and what my body looks like, what my hair looks like, what my facial features might look like compared to my the majority of my friends. I've always, there's always been that “Oh, I'm different. And maybe different isn't good.” But so that's one and seeing that right now with my teenage daughter.
I also feel like when I think about lies, again it's this idea that beauty for me as I'm defining is light, it's living in something that is not right for you. And, so, going back and thinking about even how we show up, whether it's talent or anything; if you're not in the right thing, it's dark. But if you're in the right thing, it's light. And that's beautiful. You know and that's just going to fit for us all differently. And so it's about having our own barometer of what makes us light, like what makes us show up, what makes us feel like we're glowing. That's what I think beauty is.
Melissa: Thank you. That's great. Have you had any experiences that have transformed your ideas about beauty?
Colette: I think love, right? Whether it was my parent's love of when you are little and they're like, "Oh you're so cute,” and just knowing that I'm loved changes my feeling beautiful. So when I was a little girl and didn't feel beautiful, being acknowledged by my parents or by family, that transforms. I think love just does. I think love wakes you up to the things that you don't maybe know about yourself because it's people seeing that light in you.
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If we didn’t believe the lie, the darkness, that we aren’t worthy, that we aren’t beautiful. But if we believe the truth that we are redeemed, we’re loved, we’re beautiful, we’re queens, we would rock this world. We would do things, we would step out in faith, we would be courageous, we would slay the dragon. We would understand that we have a sword of truth. But we, instead, put on this armor that becomes this shield that shields us from the goodness, shields us from opportunity, shields us from moving forward. And it’s that heavy yoke and we wear it. But that’s not what God has promised us.
And, so, maybe falsely I have been overly confident, but honestly as a young kid, I believed that stuff. Remember that song “I’m a Promise, I’m a Possibility?” I believed that song. I learned it when I was four and I sing it all the time. I sing it to my kids, “you’re a promise, you’re a possibility.” If we could put on the cloak of beauty, we would be light, we’d kicked down some doors and we’d do good things. But we have instead bought into something that is not our truth. I really believe that.
And we need each other to do that. We have to partner. We have to remind each other of our worth. We have to remind each other of the promises of God. We have to remind each other that there is light at the end of tunnel and that you are going to push through that tunnel or I will help push you or I will hold your hand through it, but keep moving. Yeah, don’t get trapped in the darkness. That’s why I think beauty is light.
Photo credit: Rebecca Wynia