That Woman in the Mirror

by Abbie (Smith) Sprunger

Over a glass of wine recently, my mom caught me off guard. “Seems neat that your generation uses the word “beauty.”"
“My generation? You mean yours didn’t?”

“No, well, at least my piece of my generation didn’t. I was made fun of when I was young; a boy called me homely once. From that point on, I decided beauty was given to some and not others. And I was a ‘not other.’”

I was heartbroken, and didn’t know what to say back to my beautiful mother. A few years later, I know a little more, but am still far from grasping beauty’s complexities.

Beauty runs deep in our stories, and our perceptions herein are arguably one of the most important things about us. My earliest memories date back to my mother’s bathroom mirror, watching her get ready for an evening out with my dad. I can easily access images of every shade and shape of her body. To me, she was the definition of beauty. And her perceptions of beauty, particularly regarding her own, shaped mine. And because my mom admittedly didn’t find herself beautiful, early mirrors in my life didn't invite me there either. It wasn’t until years later, well into my twenties, that God reopened this narrative of discovering his beauty, and therein, my own.

The dictionary refers to beauty with words like “harmony and elegance, simplicity and brilliance, perceived in their whole as something beautiful.” The Christian Scriptures speak of beauty as being "delicate, lasting, far more than meets the eye." “Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious,” we’re told in the first book of Peter (1 Peter 3:4).

One of the most beautiful women I know is eighty-four and covered in wrinkles. True beauty is clearly something more transcendent than merely being “sexy” or “skinny.” True beauty delights our senses and reveals things spiritual and captivating to our souls (physically, emotionally, morally & cognitively). True beauty awakens me to God; it connects me to His lasting work in my soul. And when I realize God is fascinated by my beauty, by the beauty of Himself imaged in me, I become fascinated by Him — mutually fascinated by my Beloved.

Prior to running Wesley Gardens Retreat, Micah and I lived in inner-city Savannah on 36th Street. Our neighbor Tanerica came over one morning, wondering if we could read Bible stories in the side yard. She was eleven and dreamed of becoming a fashion designer. Her dad was in and out of jail and her mom was eight-months pregnant and addicted to drugs. I told her I couldn’t that Tuesday but promised we would soon.

“That’s fine, Mrs. Abbie. Can I show you somethin’ before you leave?”
“Sure, honey. What is it?”
“A boy from my class gave it to me,” she said, pulling a wad of paper from her left pocket.
Conscientious penmanship marked the top line: “i think ur pritty.”
“Well, that was sweet of him, Tanerica. And he sure is right!”

Seeing the angst and wonder caused by this wad of paper, I decided to sit with her on the porch for a bit.

“Why do you think it means so much to a girl when a boy says she’s pretty?” I asked. She thought for a few moments, her brown eyes shifting to the concrete ground.
“Maybe cuz girls think they so ugly no boy will ever say they pritty?”

Another handful of moments passed before Tanerica asked, “Does God say ur pretty, Mrs. Abbie?”
“He does, sweetheart, all the time.”
“Why?”
“Because I forget, and He knows sometimes I need to be reminded about how He made me and why He thinks I’m beautiful.”
“You think God can tell me that, Mrs. Abbie?”
“I know He can tell you that, Tanerica. Why don’t you come over tonight and we’ll read about what God thinks.”
“Okay.”

Women are the last mentioned in God’s created order — and arguably the most complex of His creativity, in a phenomenal sort of way. Even before the Fall, God knew that man was missing a vital aspect of health and pleasure.

It was through the satisfying companionship, radiant beauty, and captivating soul of another, then, that He would put His finishing touch on the design of man.

“She shall be called woman” (Genesis 2:23). As from God stemmed man, so from man stemmed his cherished sister, woman. “Then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature” (verse 7). “And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man” (verse 22). “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed” (verse 25).

And God found her stunning (see Song of Solomon 4:7).

you are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you. (niv)
you are altogether beautiful, my darling, and there is no blemish in you. (nasb)
you’re beautiful from head to toe, my dear love, beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless. (msg)
[he exclaimed] o my love, how beautiful you are! There is no flaw in you! (amp)
you are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way. (nlt)
Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee. (kjv)
you are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. (esv)

It’s tempting to think we women can cause our beauty, as if beauty is something tangible or exportable. But not unlike ocean waves or a newborn baby’s finger, beauty transcends what mankind can create, do, or be alone. All beauty flows from beauty’s Maker, God, and the only way we can alter it is by rejecting it.

Yes, feeling pretty and not bloated by PMS may help, but when all is said and done, my beauty simply is. When I am me, I am beautiful, because when I am me, I am actively interacting with God’s thoughtful design of me and, thus, an essence of God. And God is beautiful. My image is made in the image of the Godhead and, therefore, in and of itself, is beautiful.

Most days we forget how beautiful we are and internalize the opposite. Most days we forget who we truly are— to God, among others. We forget that we’re sculpted by the Hands who created creativity, truth, wonder, and beauty. We forget that being a size (or five sizes) smaller, or taller, or faster, won’t shift who we are in the eyes of our Maker. It won’t shift how much we’re treasured and seen and adored in the deepest realities of our identity as daughters of the King.

About the author:

Abbie (Smith) Sprunger is the author of the newly released: *What Is Beautiful?* (Parent Cue, 2020) and resides with her husband and three children as the caretakers of Wesley Gardens Retreat in Savannah, GA.
Abbie is the author of multiple books and is the proud mother of Elliana, Eden, and Aaliya, adopted from India. Given the differences of ethnicity in their home, and raising two daughters, *What Is Beautiful?* runs personal. Abbie’s story holds lengthy seasons trapped in eating disorders and exercise addictions. Her journey of healing and discovering beauty is reflected in these pages.
*What Is Beautiful?* is Abbie’s first book for children. To learn more about it, click here.
You can follow Abbie at @wesleygardenslife

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