"Behold the Beauty in You" With Bob Goff

Bob Goff is a self-proclaimed “recovering lawyer” and author of two New York Times best selling books: Love Does, Everybody Always. He also hosts conferences worldwide to encourage people to find and follow their dreams and has established Love Does the organization, dedicated to helping change the lives of women and children around the world.

Bob enacts the kind of beauty I’m talking about in so many ways. The kind of beauty that doesn’t disintegrate and deplete people, as is so often the case with American “beauty” standards, but the kind of beauty that brings about wholeness, and freedom, and flourishing.

He believes that love isn’t a concept, but an action, and he makes that apparent in everything he does. I experienced that firsthand, as Bob recently took some time to sit down with me to talk about beauty.

The Interview

THE INTERVIEW:

Melissa: So basically what I've been doing is asking people who I think exude internal and eternal beauty…So I'm trying to uphold different kinds of mentors for beauty in our culture. And because of the work you do and the way you inspire people, and also working as a spiritual director, I think it’s God's voice within us, the dreams that we have. So I think the fact that you call that forth in people is really a beautiful thing.

Because of that I wanted to ask you some questions about beauty.

Bob: Yeah, fire. Go ahead.

Melissa: The first one's a little broad, but it's what is your definition of beauty? What do you think beauty is?

Bob: I think when you say the word beauty the first thing that comes to mind is someone at peace, somebody that actually knows who they are and what they're about, and you can actually, it isn't like you've got it figured out, but you're at peace with where you are on the journey.

You see people composed and that they're not faking it, they're not striving for things, they just seem at peace. And you can tell that. We've talked about their countenance and somebody's countenance, they just put out that they're at peace. It can come across as arrogance if you have a feigned kind of like, "I've got it all together,” like you're trying to project that in the clothes that you wear and your swagger. But there's something about people that are at peace with who they are; I just find that irresistible.

Melissa: That’s awesome. The next question is kind of similar, but where do you see beauty in the world then?

Bob: I see it in possibilities. So, people that are living in anticipation. We spend a lot of time in countries where women are actually mistreated in horrible ways: Afghanistan, Iraq, Somalia…but I see in their faces so much anticipation for what's about to change and that just exudes possibilities and I think that's just the most beautiful expression. It's just hope.

Melissa: My next question is about experiences that you've had where maybe you've experienced brokenness in your life, but maybe in the midst of it you saw beauty emerging from that experience of brokenness.

Bob: The first thing that comes to mind is we spent 20 years building this home in the Canadian Rockies and when it was all done, it burnt to the ground with all of our... It was like the perfect Boy Scout fire. We took all these first growth cedars, stacked them 40 feet tall and then for kindling, you put a bunch of Ralph Lauren furniture and just have it all go up. There weren't even ashes when it was done. It was all just vaporized.

Yet, what we found is that it pulled our family closer together. Tragedy can splinter people because they don't know what shelf to put a loss of a loved one…A tragedy can put you further apart or it can bring you closer together.

It can remind you of the things that aren't flammable. Like hope is not flammable, that the passions that you have aren't flammable. That while couches burn, the memories that you have aren't flammable.

That's where I found a lot of hope in the midst of a setback like that.

Melissa: Yeah…So, the next thing that I think that can kind of get in the way of beauty sometimes are the lies that we encounter about beauty. So I'm just kind of curious if there are any lies that come to mind that you've seen in your life or just in the world at large? Lies around beauty.

Bob: Yeah, I would say this whole idea of what's a head turner in your life. Authenticity's a head turner, finding people who are authentic. It's an offshoot of people that are at peace with themself. They know why they're doing what they're doing.

I have the most beautiful people working for me because they're really authentic. They just know where they're at. Authenticity means “I have a lot of questions” because I actually have a lot of questions.

I have questions about my faith; I have questions about my future. Questions… and whoever's listening has questions as well. But to say I want to encounter those authentically, that is head turning beauty.

So I would encourage people instead of like this outward appearance to say, "I want to cultivate inside of me, authenticity."

Melissa: Yes, awesome. How about experiences that have transformed your ideas about beauty? Any of those experiences that come to mind that have transformed your perspectives or ideas on beauty?

Bob: Well, I think in pictures. When you hear me speak, I show pictures. There's an image of this boat that was filled with friends, coming around the last point of this long, long inlet that we live at the end of. I thought about this idea that God captures us with beauty and he does it when our friends come into view.

There's that moment where your friends come into view, even if they're standing next to you, even if they're not on a boat, where we really actually realize who they are and what their aspirations are.

But we need to slow down enough to ask the questions. Like ask, "So what are your ambitions? What is it that you want? Is there anyway I can help?"

Instead of giving people pointers on what to do, that we hold up mirrors and we remind them who they are. You say, "I see this in you."

Just before you and I met, one of the women that helps me, I just pulled her aside to say, "Man, I want to tell you for the last couple days, I've seen you serving and loving on people. One of the things… you're totally unflappable, no matter what happens, your composure... You just make people feel welcome. Instead of inviting people, you welcome people."

And I would say that's another attribute of beauty. People that welcome people because it's easy to invite people. I don't know if you've ever been invited somewhere you weren't welcome.

Melissa: Yeah.

Bob: You can tell like that.

I would say a beautiful thing is when people that are very different than you feel welcomed, that we don't need to sync up around a doctrine or principles. We can just say that “I'm just glad you're here and I'm here at the same time.”

Melissa: That's amazing. Thank you. The very last question I have for you is if there is anything that you wish you could tell people about beauty or something that you wish people knew about beauty, does anything come to mind?

Bob: I would say it's not a thing to project, it's something to behold, but within you. Just see the beauty in you.

Instead of saying, "I want to project beauty out to people to gain acceptance or validation," but to say it's a thing that you actually behold in yourself. You need to spend a little time looking in the mirror and to just know God's never looked in your mirror and wished he saw somebody else.

To just say, "I can see I've kind of like a little biggish nose," and I'm like "It's all mine." I'm covered in freckles and I'm like, "What are the possibilities?"

So that idea to just say it isn't... it transcends just positive affirmations. “You're swell. You're nice. You're all that.”

Those certainly have their place, but to just see the beauty of what lies inside of you that hasn't actually made it's way to the surface.

And I'm just discovering that. Like I'm a brand new grandpa and I see this little child who's absolutely helpless, can't... He doesn't even know he has arms and legs yet, but he's loved.

And then I think how much I strive to gain people's validation. Here's a kid, he doesn't even have...he poops every 15 or 20 minutes and yet, I think he's just beautiful. So if we could kind of get back to that childlike faith, you could just realize that God sees you that way.

If faith isn't your thing, I'm telling you, find other people that see you that way. You'll be reminded of the beauty.

But you need to pause long enough to behold the beauty within you.

Melissa: That's awesome. Thank you so much-

Bob: Thanks a million.

Melissa: ...for taking the time. I appreciate it so much.

To find out more about Bob Goff, click here.

To find out more about Bob’s organization, Love Does, click here.

Are you tired of being sold a broken brand of beauty?

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